ATES' JOKE CORNER

TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go  Slow."

TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?

JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have  today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by  biting insects?

JOSE: Don't bite any.

EACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that

Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another  pair of the same at home.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
           interested?

Pupil : A teacher. 

Mother: Come on John you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
John: Ahh mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
John: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 44 and your the Principal!

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought he comes up with a clever idea that he thinks will scare the kids away for sure. So he makes up a sign and posts it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, which says, "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." 
So the kids run off and make up their own sign, which they post next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next day to look over his field. He notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives over to the sign and takes a look. 
It says," Now there are two".

One day a college professor was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was an idiot, and if they were, they should stand. After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was an idiot. The kid replied, 'No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself' 

There were 3 little alien dudes in a little green space ship. All the sudden they crashed on earth. The first little dude was purple,the second green and third blue. The little purple dude walked into an opera house and heard “ mi,mi,mi” “ mi,mi,mi” and got stuck saying “ mi,mi,mi” “ mi,mi,mi”. The little green dude walked into the purple cow and heard “ fork & knife” “ fork & knife” and got stuck saying “ fork & knife” “fork & knife”. The little purple dude walked into a candy shop and heard “goody goody gum drops” “ goody goody gum drops” and got stuck saying “ goody 
gum drops” “ goody goody gum drops”. 
On the way back to the space ship a policeman stopped them and said, “There has been a murder and, since you are new to this town, I think you did it. Okay! Let's get this straight. Which one of you did it?” 
The little purple dude said “ mi,mi,mi” and the policeman said “With what?” and the little green dude said “ fork & knife”. 
The policeman said, “ I’m sorry but you’re going to jail." 
The little blue dude said, “goody goody gum drops!”

There were three guys and a dragon . The dragon said, "I am going to eat you. 
The first guy said, "No, let's make a deal." 
The dragon said ,"O.K. what kind of deal?" 
The second guy said, "If we each tell you something that we think you can't do, and you can do all of it, you may eat us." The dragon agreed to the deal. 
So the first guy said, "Go to the barn, eat 16 rooms of hay,". The dragon did it. 
The second guy said, "Drink half of the ocean water." The dragon succeeded in doing this, also. 
The third guy burped, and said, "Catch it and paint it green." 
The three guys lived happily ever after!

Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch in the air, then run down the hill and catch it befor it hit the ground. So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground. Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT the watch hit the ground. Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill, went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch. "How did you do that?" asked the Irishman. "My watch is 1 hour slow !!!!!" replied the Australian. 

Tim: Miss would you yell at me for doing something i didn't do? 
Teacher: No. 
Tim: Good, because I didn't do my homework!

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